I'll be yours and you'll be mine

Happy valentines day! Here's a fun fact for you all: I have never been anybody's valentine. Shocking, I know. This is probably because I have also never been anyone's girlfriend, which in turn is probably because I pretty much hate everyone (kidding. Mostly). This is no pity party though, and despite not knowing anyone I want to spend that much time with (full disclosure: I don't actually know how much time you're expected to spend with your significant other, but I'm going to go ahead and assume it's ALL of the time. And before long I would be telling them to back their face up and let me watch some internet television), I am not anti-valentines. The reason for this is in two parts: 1) Any holiday, as Hallmark-y as it might be, that suggests we take time out to lavish love and attention on those we care about is ok by me, and 2) Woo chocolate, yeah! I might be single, but any excuse'll do to eat some delicious, gooey-centered hearts as far as I'm concerned.

I'm also cool with valentines day because I like the idea of (romantic) love waaay more than I like the reality of it. Like, I'm not going to sit around and cry at The Notebook with you, but I do love the concept of big, complex love stories. Sure it's nice for you if you married your first love and had a bunch of kids and/or successful careers and you still love each other as much as ever, but I enjoy a little drama in my (non-existent and totally voyeuristic) love life. My own mother, for example, once she got done procreating with my father, ended up marrying a man she'd known almost her entire life. He was the older brother of her childhood friend. Their mothers were in the same church group. They moved in the same circles and went to the same parties. Their paths crossed literally hundreds of times before they got their shit together years down the line and decided they loved each other. And even then they waited a good decade before they actually got married.

So. Thus far we've established that I hate people and my role models for a healthy romantic relationship are a divorcee and a commitment-phobe. However, contrary to popular opinion I am not, in fact, an emotionless drone. It's true that I sometimes am slightly inept (read: totally shit) when it comes to conveying how I feel. And I can also be a pretty terrible friend. I'm hopeless at keeping in touch, and given that wherever I go now at least some of the people I care about will be half a world away, this is an unfortunate trait. But it's that time of year, and no matter whether I last spoke to you two days or two years ago, I just thought I'd let you all know that I do love you. You can all be my valentine.